There are many types of relationships. Some are contractual; some are holistic. The contractual relationship says: "I'll do this if you do that". The holistic relationship says: "Because I love you, I'll do all that I can to support you in your endeavors, without expecting anything in return".
When two people mutually follow the latter premise, a healthy relationship is inevitable. Whereas the former contractual relationship works only until one of the parties fails to meet a contractual obligation. In contractual relationships, mature adults eventually tire of meeting their obligatory pay-outs.
Thus, holistic relationships are healthy relationships. Healthy relationships have no expectations; both parties give to each other out of love. This mutuality is a pre-condition; otherwise the relationship is no longer healthy!
The three critical components of a healthy relationship are:
- Agreement – something in common
- Affinity – love, respect, trust
There must be a mutual love and agreement on type of relationship (open, monogamous, polygamous). You must have a desire for a good relationship. Relationships are between two or more people. There are different types of relationships – business, friendship, life mate. Each type of relationship has its own unique requirements. We need to behave in accordance with the type of relationship: employee-boss; mother-child; friend-friend; lover-lover. Align yourself to the type of relationship.
- In a business relationship (contractual) services and love are given with the expectation of a return.
- A spiritual or personal relationship, services and love are given without any expectation or returns.
The goal of life is to be happy without distress or misery. We all have the same God quality and quantity, but different levels of consciousness.
There are two kinds of people when it comes to intimate relationships:
- Celibates – asexual, usually hangout with the same sex
- Householders – sexual, usually hang out with opposite sex
Relationships are the healthiest when the participants are at the same level of consciousness. Once the lust wears off, you’re left with the mind. The strongest relationships are based on spiritual love. When 2 participants in a relationship are too different, one has to surrender or you are constantly fighting. Better to match 2 people with a lot in common, who are more balanced and equal, with the same level of consciousness.
In true love you don’t know who is surrendering because they are surrendering into each other.
Is there a power-struggle going on in your personal relationship? Are you always challenging each other, trying to be dominant and make the other surrender to your will?
Are you selfish or selfless? Do you repulse others with your selfishness or attract others with your selflessness?
In a healthy relationship you have to do what your mate likes you to do and not do what they don’t like. Get your mate to make a list of what they want you to do.
Do you have the same belief systems, Gods, and goals? If there are different levels of consciousness and different belief systems, conflict ensues. Continually disagreement leads to a parting of the ways. If you are always fighting, criticizing, yelling at each other with nothing in common, get a new relationship.
Don’t criticize your mate and if your mate criticizes you, accept it. There is probably some truth somewhere in the criticism. We don’t see our won flaws and faults. We have a blind spot. Therefore, always accept criticism, as there may be some truth to it.
Remember, birds of a feather flock together – have the same beliefs and goals.
Surrender to someone you trust that is smarter, wiser, and more loving that you…preferably God. We have to become the type of person we want to attract. We have to be loving and joyfully do what the other wants. We need to go with the flow. You must think and treat your mate as though they were flawless. You must treat your mate as though he/she were Divine.
Money and abundance goes to those couples that have agreement, affinity and communication.
Personal relationships are a form of Karma Yoga – selfless love and service without expectation.
In giving-taking relationships, the takers are eventually miserable and dissatisfied because they are not giving. To be successful in a relationship, you have to be giving. Learn to give without expecting something in return. Don’t become resentful. If after giving, you do become resentful, then you were expecting something in return. It’s your fault!
- Lust is using and taking.
- Love is giving and caring.
Challenging relationships are healthy as long as you both learn and grown, becoming your God-selves, as a partnership.
Happiness if an attitude. If you always at odds with each other, you don’t have enough energy and time to focus on your God-self and God-work.
For a successful relationship:
- Work on yourself and not on stray “dogs”
- Be very selective in the type of erson you want to attract
- Become your ideal person and you will attract that person
- Never talk about your “x”
- Presume your mate is sensitive and do not criticize them or compare them to other lovers
- Do not betray their confidences
Being hurt, abandoned abused, feeling inadequate, being cheated on, lied to makes a relationship difficult. You have to soften your heart. Relationships involve periodic pain and surrender.
What do you want in a relationship. Make a list. Loyalty, ethics, devotion, morality, harmony, respect, appreciation, empowerment, support, spiritual love, gentleness, tenderness.
What do you want in an ideal mate. Make a list. Peaceful, thoughtful, considerate, patience, kind, compassionate, sensitive, caring, flexible, joyous, devoted, high esteem, confident, supportive, empowering, centered, enjoys periodic silence and meditation.
Your mate should be empowering you to be the greatest person you can be. In co-dependency, your mate doesn’t want you to be empowered, but wants to bring you down.
Develop the consciousness of the relationship you want. Write down the qualities of your ideal spouse, their beliefs, interests, their vocation, income, and personality. Write down how you want to develop spiritually.
Those with no attachment to the results usually get the results. SO practice it with everyone. The way you are in one place is the way you are in other places. Associate with people who are similar to your ideal person. Have the relationship with God and treat everyone as a mate. Socialize with elevated souls. Hang around people whose consciousness you want to take on. Prepare for your next life. Pick relationships at the highest level you can conceive of. Always honor and respect your parents. Appreciate them. Even if they are abusive as they are frequently the agents for karmic payback. Remember, you can be do, or have whatever you want in accordance with your consciousness.
You want someone who will help you grown spiritually because that’s what you take with you when you make your transition. Don’t abuse or hurt each other. Have compassion; be loving. See your faults, admit mistakes, change and grow. Through God’s grace, everything comes. Talk to God. Want a relationship where you can learn to love. Learn how to love…by doing what the other person wants.
Form follows thought. Think a healthy relationship until you create it.
Say a prayer request.
Want it in your heart.
Remember, you have to give up something to get something. So, let go of what you don’t want. Make it the thing you give up to get a healthy relationship.
In higher planes, people live in good, healthy, relationships. You, a child of God, can be do, or have whatever you want in accordance with your consciousness.